i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
