my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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