WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
