brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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