i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
