He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
