i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
