she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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