I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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