Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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