she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
