a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
