I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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