the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
