ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
