this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
