I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
