She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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