I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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