Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
