My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
