no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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