True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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