god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
