I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
