rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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