Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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