my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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