can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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