so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well most of my day revolves around power hour
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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