Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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