I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
