You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
