plz talk dirty to me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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