I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
