you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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