this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
