Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Terrible idea I love it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
