It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
