Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
