Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i've created a new STD.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
