yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
