He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
