It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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