You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
