We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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