guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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