My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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