I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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