I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need water and some morals
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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