Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
