Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
