My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
