It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
