Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize