the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
