Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
