so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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