They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
