The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize