it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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