your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
