So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
