It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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