i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
