I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
