If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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